February. No, the Focus is NOT GRIEF
Typically when we think about the Month of February we think Valentine’s Day, we think of Romance. That’s why the entire Month, not just the day, is stereotypically hard on people who don’t have a “date much less have a particular someone.” But let’s look deeper, and you will see at the heart of the February is ‘love’ (pun wholly intended). Try to Focus on February being about giving and receiving love of ALL kinds. Not just about Valentine’s day.
I can hear some of you starting to groan. Stop that; it’s not as cheesy as it sounds, and you can embrace the Month of February in all sorts of ways, big and small. Then suddenly when the 14th appears, you’ve been already focused on feeling love - for your life now. Allow me to guide you…
Steps, towards feeling like “Okay - I know I can live on.”
If you have children: Allow your children to pick a variety of activities. Let them dream as big as your budget will allow. Grieving children need opportunities to have good, healthy fun, and seeing them smile will warm your heart a bit. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that being together as a family highlights who is missing, and talk about your loved one, even if it’s just to say, “(Name of loved one) would’ve loved this.”
Invite a group of people over for a casual get togethers or dinner party. Or even better, if you have a dog, invite friends who have dogs too! Plan an entire theme around it and enjoy the love.
Let someone close to you know you are feeling down but don’t want to be alone. Invite them over for a quiet night in.
Have a movie night with your kids or girlfriends. Choose to watch feel-good movies like comedies, animation, or cheesy old classics. Order pizza and put on your PJs.
Send a card or flowers to a friend or family member who you know is also feeling down on Valentine’s Day. Let them know they are not alone.
Volunteering your time with an organization or charity is an excellent way to interact and connect with people while also helping others. Consider choosing an organization your loved one would have supported and tell yourself you’re doing it in his/her honor.
Set out to do 5 acts of kindness throughout the day. Big or small, they will put more love into the world and will have the added consequence of letting you feel good about yourself.
Write a letter. Write to anyone. Write to an organization or professional you think is doing a good job. Write to an individual you know who is struggling. Write to a child or adolescent you want to encourage. Write to your deceased loved one.
Allow yourself to be really present with your loved one’s memory and allow yourself to cry for as long as you like. We all have our rituals and reminders that make us feel close to deceased loved ones, go ahead and engage in them.
Treat yourself. Taking budget into consideration, take yourself out for a day of relaxation – whatever that means to you. It may be a spa treatment, retail therapy, or a monster truck rally; as long as it relieves stress or makes you smile, anything goes.
Focus on YOU!! Deliberately set aside time to engage in any activity that helps you connect with yourself – exercise, yoga, journaling, art, etc.
Recognize your limitations. Don’t push yourself into an activity you’re not up to. Believe that next year will be a little bit easier. And, believe and know that you are loved.
